I'm tired of waiting. I'm not wanting to change anything, as things will happen as they're supposed to, I'm just not going to put anymore energy into adoption for the time being. I do not even want to write an entry but am forcing myself. I no longer check e-mails to see if something has come in from the agency and I'm not wondering when the phone rings if it might be Laura--I just know it's not. When she finally does call, I'll have trouble believing it. I have to shut down emotionally to manage.
Six weeks ago yesterday, the middle of May, our information was sent to St. Lucy's Center in Tiannen, Taiwan. I believe I was told that it usually takes a couple of weeks to match the families--referrals usually come out the first week or two of the following month. We all thought, including our agency, that everyone else in our group (families whose papers went in with ours) would be matched while we were out of the country as we left May 29th. It's unbelievable that we were gone 3 1/2 weeks, while on the verge of receiving a referral, and it didn't even make a difference! I'm so glad that the timing on receiving a referral didn't cause us to do anything crazy like cancelling or shortening our trip. I feel very fortunate that we were able to chew up nearly a month of our "it's-coming-any-day-now" wait by traveling in Asia.
My theory is that our referral won't come until the regular time for a July referral--so we still have a few more weeks. It's also possible that we won't be matched at all in July and will need to wait longer. It's even possible that St. Lucy's won't want to match us with one of their children because we already have a large family by their standards. Because I just don't know, it's not worth lots of energy anymore. I am planning on enjoying the wonderful children that I have right now and being surprised when something actually does happen--I know I won't be looking for it actively.
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