May 22, 2007

Well, I just had a rather disappointing phone call with Laura, our agency director. She informed me that there is no way we can authenticate and notarize documents while we are in Asia. The government organizations in both the US and Taiwan will not recognize them unless they are signed in our home state. This is unfortunate for us. She also doesn't think they will hold on to our referral for 3 1/2 weeks until we get home. I can understand this. They need to keep things moving there. She said the nursery is so full at St. Lucy's they have to turn birth mothers away at this point.

Our paperwork went to Taiwan last week. She said they have 6 babies to be matched in this month's batch. The paperwork for a group of families ahead of us in line went one week before ours and they still haven't heard anything about their being matched. That puts ours off at least until next week at the earliest. We step out the door one week from today at 7:30 am. It is highly unlikely that we will hear anything before then. Once we are on the plane heading east, there is nothing we can do. Laura said, "our hands are tied."

In anticipation of my 9:00 pm phone call with Laura this evening, I spent the morning trying to get information on the U.S. Embassies in every country we are visiting and checking to see when we will possibly have any free time in our schedule to take a taxi to one of them to get papers notarized. Beijing on May 8th looked like the best possibility, we would be just blocks from the embassy touring Tienamann Square.

Since coming up with that perfect solution, Laura specifically talked to the people at one of the government agencies who said if we were adopting a child from China, this would work fine. We would just have to also get an apostille. However, Taiwan and China aren't exactly on friendly terms, so this wouldn't work at all. I knew it wasn't worth pursuing Bangkok or Hong Kong because of what she said. I also would have had to make an appointment in Hong Kong which would have been rather difficult without knowing exactly when we could come.

Part of me says it's nice we can leave and not worry about paperwork while we're gone. But the biggest part of me feels sad that we will probably lose the referral we would have received this month because of this trip. Howard says, "If we lose this baby because of our trip, this baby wasn't meant to be ours." I have to believe this or I would go crazy thinking our family has been changed forever with the wrong child because we decided to go on a really long vacation.

It is now 11:00 pm and I'm higher than a kite--our phone call ended at 9:20. I'm sort of in shock and just trying to process all the feelings of disappointment and confusion I'm experiencing.

Our application my simply go back into the pile until next month. Laura's really not sure what will happen. I asked her to please update me via e-mail to Howard's computer (which he is taking with us). Even if we do get skipped this month, it will just be nice to know what is going on. I was sure hoping that this 3 1/2 weeks would be a wonderful way to pass the approximate 1/4 of our wait to get through the courts! Oh well. Nothing we can do.

I had felt such an urgency initially to get our paperwork completed and turned in. In fact, I'm just remembering now that we were in Disneyland over Thanksgiving when I was trying to get our approved homestudy, with corrections made, sent to our social worker. She would then make minor corrections and mail it to Laura so we could get on the waiting list.

I learned a week later, after several attempts from the hotel, that my attachment with the changes hadn't been sent properly--our social worker hadn't received word that things looked good and to go ahead and make the minor changes and send the final copy to Laura. I finally got an e-mail from our social worker, the following week wondering what had happened. She knew I'd been in such a hurry. Then and only then did I know that I had blown it. This cost us a week or so in getting on the waiting list. I'm putting two-and-two together here--vacations and adoption paperwork has not mixed well for us at all!

My advice to anyone trying to adopt would be--stay home! However, you can't put your life on hold "in case your turn comes up." We discussed this whole possibility last Fall when we signed up for this trip. We were told it would be about a 6 month wait which was exactly when we would be leaving. However, I never really thought they'd collide head-on. I also thought that there would be a way to solve the problem if they did happen at the same time. I had no idea how complex all of this paperwork can be and how particular they are about where and how things are signed and documented.

Going back to the urgency issue. Just weeks after we turned in our paperwork around Nov. 29-Dec. 1, China announced it would crack down on its adoption policies, making it more difficult to adopt a child from China. Suddenly our agency was flooded with calls and applications. We were just ahead of the rush. We had done our homework, and with 5 biological children at home, we could only qualify for special needs China. It was rapidly becoming apparent that we would have gotten a true special needs child going this route, not just a birth mark or large mole. I didn't feel like I could handle a child with a missing limb or a serious health concern. Our social worker also wouldn't approve us for anyone but a healthy child. Taiwan felt like the right way to go for us since they did not have a limit on family size--we could apply for a healthy baby. However, had we waited to apply until the rush was on, we probably would have been turned away for anyone but an older child. I do hope that all who desire parenthood can have this great blessing. We each apply to adopt where we feed guided to do so. We felt guided to Taiwan in an urgent sort of way.

Laura said because we are early enough in the pile, we are probably ok, but she really isn't sure what St. Lucy's will do with a family our size. She said Chung Yi has no family-size requirements but St. Lucy's prefers smaller families. She said they may skip over us anyway and go to a smaller family further down in the pile. I can understand if they do that. I would not blame them at all. I would be happy for any couple who gets a beautiful child. I just hope that we will get the right child when we are meant to get her. This is going to take more patience than I had originally thought it would, however. It's impossible to look down the adoption path and know where it will lead you or what mountains you will be asked to climb. I only know that those who have made it to the top say it is worth every step!

I thought we were getting a pretty good idea of when our referral would come. This was a great feeling! Now we have no idea again. I've always loved the anticipation of an event--let's just say I'll get to stay in this phase longer than I want to. I'll be ready to move beyond it when we finally can do so.

Last week my husband and I were out and about when an acquaintance walked into the room at 9 months pregnant and ready to pop. I was so happy for her. I found myself giving her a big congratulatory hug and then was embarrassed and surprised when I burst into tears all over her. I told her she should be so glad she knows she'll be having it in the next week. I'm having a baby but have NO IDEA when! It's really weird. This is still plenty emotional. . .thank you very much! I feel like I could run 5 miles right now and it's almost midnight.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

It has been nearly 5 1/2 months since we turned in our papers and were officially accepted by the Families for Children Taiwan Adoption Program as a waiting family. Is this when I can say we officially became pregnant? I'm never sure how the adoption timetable compares with a biological pregnancy. Having no timetable whatsoever, nothing to count on, no real evidence that our paperwork has gotten us any closer to a baby. . . is a whole new experience. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining that I haven't gained the typical 35 pounds by now! However, what do I have to show for it? Nothing! Will all of this emotional energy drain really lead to a child?

We could be hearing any day now who this mystery baby is. . .but again. . .it could be several more months. We were told in March that we would likely be matched in the next 60 days--that deadline came and went 2 days ago. The anticipation is great, the frustation of no sure answers causes emotional shut-down at times. Then a new days brings new hope and new ability to cope with the unknown. Just be patient. It will happen when the time is right. . .when the child is right.

Waiting wouldn't be as difficult if we weren't leaving in 3 weeks for nearly a month. We are going to fly right over our dear baby but our destination is Hong Kong, instead. She won't know we are even remotely close--but I will! Will I fly over and know who is down there waiting? Or will we still be holding in this pattern of anticipation to see her little face and know who our Lillian really is.

If we know before we go, it will be so much easier! Otherwise I'm faced with trying to be in the right place at the right time to receive the right e-mail about this "right" child. What if we are in the highlands of Thailand when they try to contact us? How will we communicate from a remote village where we have to ride elephants to even get there? Singapore is modern, perhaps we will be contacted in Singapore. . .that shouldn't be hard. And China. . .I know very little about this massive mother country of Taiwan. Can we receive an e-mail while floating down the Yangtze river? Hmmmmmmmm. My stress mounts as I wait and wonder. What happens if they have our referral but can't communicate with us? Will the "right" baby be given to another loving family, equally deserving, equally anxious? We are all together in this adoption experience, aren't we?!

Of course the referral can't come before we leave. . .that would be too easy. Then again, maybe it won't come while we are gone. . . . Maybe our referral won't arrive until way past the 6 month mark we were originally given as an approximate window. But not hearing during our travels in Asia will make me worry we've somehow missed it! How can I relax?! I have to!!!!!