It has been nearly 5 1/2 months since we turned in our papers and were officially accepted by the Families for Children Taiwan Adoption Program as a waiting family. Is this when I can say we officially became pregnant? I'm never sure how the adoption timetable compares with a biological pregnancy. Having no timetable whatsoever, nothing to count on, no real evidence that our paperwork has gotten us any closer to a baby. . . is a whole new experience. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining that I haven't gained the typical 35 pounds by now! However, what do I have to show for it? Nothing! Will all of this emotional energy drain really lead to a child?
We could be hearing any day now who this mystery baby is. . .but again. . .it could be several more months. We were told in March that we would likely be matched in the next 60 days--that deadline came and went 2 days ago. The anticipation is great, the frustation of no sure answers causes emotional shut-down at times. Then a new days brings new hope and new ability to cope with the unknown. Just be patient. It will happen when the time is right. . .when the child is right.
Waiting wouldn't be as difficult if we weren't leaving in 3 weeks for nearly a month. We are going to fly right over our dear baby but our destination is Hong Kong, instead. She won't know we are even remotely close--but I will! Will I fly over and know who is down there waiting? Or will we still be holding in this pattern of anticipation to see her little face and know who our Lillian really is.
If we know before we go, it will be so much easier! Otherwise I'm faced with trying to be in the right place at the right time to receive the right e-mail about this "right" child. What if we are in the highlands of Thailand when they try to contact us? How will we communicate from a remote village where we have to ride elephants to even get there? Singapore is modern, perhaps we will be contacted in Singapore. . .that shouldn't be hard. And China. . .I know very little about this massive mother country of Taiwan. Can we receive an e-mail while floating down the Yangtze river? Hmmmmmmmm. My stress mounts as I wait and wonder. What happens if they have our referral but can't communicate with us? Will the "right" baby be given to another loving family, equally deserving, equally anxious? We are all together in this adoption experience, aren't we?!
Of course the referral can't come before we leave. . .that would be too easy. Then again, maybe it won't come while we are gone. . . . Maybe our referral won't arrive until way past the 6 month mark we were originally given as an approximate window. But not hearing during our travels in Asia will make me worry we've somehow missed it! How can I relax?! I have to!!!!!
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